what is a safe space?
what does that mean?
what does it look like?
what does it feel like?
a couple weeks ago, i made an instagram reel in a joking manner about “holding” space. terms that life coaches use so much that we forget that for an average person, they won’t know what the fuck we are talking about. unless you are within the self help/self development area, then you would know. same thing as safe space.
these two words… “safe space” has been tossed around for a while now and as i’ve always took it in as is, i think i finally know what it feels like. as much as i offer a safe space and hold space for people for my texting line, you can’t force it. we still need TRUST.
what does holding space and safe space mean to me? what does it feel like and look like? i think i got it now. therapy is technically a safe space but because we don’t always get to know our therapist that well, so with that i don’t take it as a super safe space. i just know its safe in a confidential matter. the trust? do i trust my therapist? sure. i trust her. i trust she has my best interests. i trust that what we talk about is confidential but thats all on paper. do i trust her as human being? i can’t really say i fully do because, a year later, i still don’t know much about her. i enjoy her and her personality. i enjoy our sessions as i find her very funny and i love that we can crack jokes and laugh. but there’s nothing super safe about it in the way that i need.
in therapy i’m working on secure-attachment and i have to invest a lot of my time in therapy to build that in the “safe” space or container as other life coaches would say. a year of being in therapy i’ve learned what i do need in my “safe” space. here’s how the work i’ve been doing in therapy has transformed into my real life relationships.
i have one person in particular that i wholeheartedly trust. she is the only person i actually want to spend my birthday with this year and i asked myself why? a couple months ago i think i wrote about how i never say “i miss you” to many people except one person. this is the same person. as i was getting myself together this morning and thinking about this, it finally came to me. she provides me a safe space in our friendship. no judgement, she doesn’t try to help me or influence me to do anything. she doesn’t tell me how to handle situations or anything. she listens, she will voice her thoughts as she has gone through similar but no where in those moments does she try to fix me or tell me what to do. she will always follow it up with, no matter what you choose, i will always be here and support you. it has been the most healthiest friendships i have ever had. one that i feel truly supported, cared and loved. secure. its light, its funny, its heavy, its everything all together and it just flows. and i appreciate this human being so much and for being in my life to give me such an amazing feeling. a place that feels like home.
a sense of freedom and belonging. its crazy to have built this connection with a friend but now i know what it feels like and what it looks like. the trust, the feelings, the mutual acknowledgement, is what a safe space means to me.
i think through life we meet so many people but only a few really can capture you. it doesn’t always have to be romantic. i think if we are able to establish and have these foundations as friendships, it will teach us what we truly are worth in a romantic relationship. however i still do not want to date. i honestly don’t think i want to anymore. i wish to find my soul mate one day and share some vows but i’m perfectly fine and happy where i am at. i have so much more growing to do. so much more self betterment to do. where i am at now with myself will make it even harder for me to date as well. i will be looking for so much more and they definitely have to add to my life and not take away.
2020 was the year that eliminated all the people and things that weren’t good enough to be in my life because i’m golden. i didn’t lose much because i gained so much more. everything i’ve gone through, the breakthroughs i made this year has brought me to my higher self, this is where i feel like home. the best thing about it was…doing it all myself. the work never stops. the healing never stops. we continue to grow, evolve every day. being at peace with yourself in the present moment… is the most aligned, beautiful and calming feeling ever. grounded in my higher self.
this all makes so much sense why so many spiritual people that i’ve come across are happy alone. once you reach this place, you don’t want others to come and disrupt the peace.