“I’m not good enough”

let’s unpack this at 2:50am.

i spoke to my therapist about this … yesterday and it’s been on my mind for a while. i pick up vibes from people and have people actually speak up and say they don’t feel they are good enough to either..

1. be my friend
2. date me
3. be/stay my significant other

there is definitely misunderstandings in this but mainly i believe its peoples insecurities around me and a lot of their own shit being projected onto me.

i’ve heard it so many times to the point i start questioning myself and i don’t believe that is healthy or right. i can’t change who and where i came from or the way i carry/present myself. (sure i probably could if i wanted to but for me… its more of a why would i want to lower my standards to make others comfortable?) i do have high standards and high expectations but its also not out of this fucking world( at least not to me). there are people who are way more high maintenance than i am.

the baseline for my standards for myself… seems too high for others. i consider myself like an average person but somehow people mistake that and place me above average. maybe i am slightly above average? i don’t know? i definitely do not think i’m higher above than anyone else, i don’t own that because i have my own shit but with how i am in general…yall been shaming me for so long. after a while it fucks with a person…

look, everyone has their own measurements of shit so maybe i’ve just been with the wrong people.

for example, i’ve gotten what i thought were “compliments” of being neat and clean of my home living situation… but some of these tones were more shaming me than actually complimenting which in turns sounds like they are projecting some kind of fear or insecurity. so… since when was it bad to be a clean and neat person?? i mean i’m not even that fucking neat.. or so I don’t think i am. then again what level of messy are we trying to define??

i don’t have a lot of rules when it comes to be my friend, i really do not give two fucks what your living conditions are…. like be a fucking decent human being is all i ever fucking ask for. come as you are as long as you don’t harm others or put yourself and others at risk or danger. honesty and respect are two other requirements…. that is really all i ask for.. but honestly after talking to my therapist who apparently is more like me.. also made me realize that the people i am now surrounding myself with are more on my level.

nothing wrong with people who are a bit messier but maybe those just aren’t my people? it’s like we all come from different worlds and sometimes those worlds collide and crash into each other because we need to learn from one another. maybe that’s what it is but it also has been hindering my own growth and power because i feel bad and i shouldn’t.

why should i lower my own standards to suit someone else’s needs and comfort? that’s not what we are supposed to do at all. i’m done with it.

if you are going to say you don’t feel like you’re good enough or say i am too good or too boujee for you, then look… you need to check that shit. the more you repeat that.. its going to push me away. i mean honestly.. if someone kept saying “i’m not good enough for you” eventually you will feel like that person is not good enough and their worth isn’t what we thought. the more people repeat that shit as an insecurity or projection, the more they are hindering those parts of themselves to be accepted or level up.

there is a lot of power in words, especially how we speak to ourselves and about ourselves. if you continue to put yourself down with the “i’m not good enough” card then yeah, you aren’t because you can’t even get past that yourself. are you even good enough for you? do you even hear yourself? it shows how you value and see yourself. your self worth and confidence is lacking if you continue to repeat that to people.

so many people seek validation from others and thats also not the way to live your life. well technically you aren’t because you want approval from others to continue to live your life..where is the power in that?

if you are someone who says that, please take a look at yourself and ask yourself why you say or feel that way. what is causing you to feel like you’re not good enough? if your partner or friend purposely reminds you or tells you then yeah get rid of that toxic person. those are some fucked up people to surround yourself in. also what needs to be fact checked too is if someone has NEVER said you weren’t good enough and you continue to say it without reason to back it up whether as friends or lovers… you probably want to take a look at what is causing it within yourself first then talk to the other party involved.

self love baby. keep at it. love yourself harder. own all of you. you are enough. you are worth it through the good and bad.

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