i’ve been stuck on this personal high standards topic for a few days. the more i think about it the more it triggers my past relationships and bringing them to surface.
my previous post about needs not being met and how it can be met with the right people. i say people also because it is impossible for ONE individual to fulfill all your needs/wants. if you can find someone who does then you are very lucky! in my own way of thinking, i think this is why you have a significant other and you have your own set of friends. everyone plays a role and feeds into your needs and wants. i mean thats why we go to certain people for certain things.
i’m still trying to wrap my mind around this whole thing as my past is brought up, its been a few days and i’m barely able to put something down and this post might get confusing as i’m still working it out in my brain. which i think i really need to discuss this in more depth with my therapist which that is a whole other topic on its own.
so this topic is really stirring the fucking pot. i keep referring to this one person in my life right now that i’ve gotten to known over the past few months and how much they have showed up for me in ways i didn’t expect. i never asked for anything, never expected anything from them but things i’ve asked for a lot in my last relationship naturally showed up with this person. whats that all about??
it recently just took me by surprised because after a couple times, i was wondering why do they keep saying these things to me. then it finally hit me that these things have been the shit i was trying to get my past to do and this particular individual does it naturally. i’m sure its nothing from them but to me it is what brought me to the whole “our needs can be met”.
this individual isn’t perfect, as we all aren’t but i know they try and strive to be as well. they do a lot in a day, just like me. they have a great career and is constantly growing and i love that so much. they point out small wins when i feel like i’m not doing enough and it just makes me feel better and i think the reason being is they actually see me and there’s little comments in our conversations that is very validating. they are about growth the way i am as now my current surroundings is all about growth. if you aren’t self aware and growing/evolving then you don’t have a seat at my table. its definitely become a non-negotioble now.
ok so i’m high maintenance but not on the over the top ridiculous level. i know i have high standards and a lot of it came from my upbringing. i’ve carried it over but i also fucked it up for myself as well. reason why i say i fucked it up is because i downplayed my life because people always made me feel like shit for being high maintenance or having high standards. i lowered my values and standards to “fit in” and given i’ve met so many different types of class of people and its definitely helped me grow and see diversity and how everyone lives.
i’ve been in mansions and i’ve been in the boonies. i’ve heard the stories from both sides of the economic scale. i’m open and accepting of people as they come as they are as long as you are a good person. however with my background and how i was raised, i do have high standards and i’ve grown to become high maintenance.
here is the thing with that for me. i do admit that i am high maintenance with myself because to me, its a form of self respect. i take care of myself and make sure i am ready and presentable at all times. things i do is also a form of self love/self care. grooming, eating well, working out, dressing well. look good and feel good is a real thing.
i’m not saying i’m heading out in suits and shit all the time but i dress decent/fashionable. people always told me i’m bougie or high maintenance like its a bad thing but i know thats their shit and not me. i know i’m charismatic and come off intimidating, not my first rodeo with any of those comments. so with this being said, back to this individual, i can tell they are on that same level as me. i know they take care of themselves very well. classy and i’m all for it.
because of this beautiful being, they are actually helping me bring myself back to me. i feel like i disgraced my own family through the years of dating below me and i know i definitely dated people below my standards because i ended up providing and being a caretaker instead of an equal partner.
they couldn’t fulfill or meet my needs. we were simply on different levels and come from different worlds. most the time friendship wise, this stuff doesn’t get in the way as much but for relationships it somehow becomes important. i think it aggressively became more important because the one you “love” ends up bashing you, shaming you and breaks you down because of the lifestyle and choice of living you wanted really fucks you up.
i finally understand when people say don’t lower your standards. i’ve been shamed for too many times in my past for being too high maintenance when in reality, i know how to take care of myself and i respect myself enough to maintain a certain look and lifestyle for myself. i’ve been blessed so why should i shove that into my shadow? again its not my shit, its theirs and or they were jealous? who the fuck knows.
back to this surprising individual… well this person’s class and how they show up for me in ways i’ve always wanted has truly helped me realize so much. they really helped me step more into my power and just knowing someone like them gives me the time of day our of their busy schedule and still showing up and making sure i’m good…feels amazing.
as i write this, it also just triggered memories of my other friend and actually all the people currently in my life. everyone in my life has great taste, they are powerful, they know how to take care of themselves because they set a specific standard for themselves which is respectable. they all strive to be more and constantly chasing growth. i lost touch and sight of that but i’m definitely slowly coming back home to me again.
in conclusion, your needs can be met even if you have high standards. you just have to meet similar people. i mean come on, there is billions of people on earth! also there is nothing wrong with people that are below your standards if they are also the type that is on a growth journey to want to work their way up to catch up to you. that in itself is attractive and works. also meeting people on your level that meet you where you are right now and then you both help one another grow. thats fucking awesome!
the the one that sounds intimidating which also i think a lot of people end up thinking people can be out of their league.. well i think if you are stepping into your power and owning yourself fully. you are capable of meeting someone that is where you want to be. growth is powerful. growth connects us all.
your standards is set by you. don’t ever let anyone tear that down or shame you for them. they simply aren’t on your level and that is something to consider. love yourself. be yourself always set your standards high and even if it makes you high maintenance. you do you boo.