you are not needy, its because your needs were just not met.
this is something i learned this year. i use to think i was super picky but i reframed that to knowing what i wanted. i was pretty set on what i like and didn’t like in a partner.
i didn’t feel like what i was asking for was too much. the thing is that it really isn’t. as i’m older, it sure as hell isn’t a fucking lot to ask for. its the simple basics of … open & honesty in communication even if its going to hurt. respect is a huge one. partnership as in working as a unit, a team. responsible in taking care of themselves. and now i added emotional intelligence and self awareness which are two of my non-negotiables.
through the years, i tried to be open in my dating life and i just lowered my standards and gave people a chance. you know the whole “don’t judge a book by its cover” and dating outside my “norm” Obviously none of them worked out and i never felt “love”. during those moments, i thought it was love but as i reflect back, it sure as hell was not love at all. i wasn’t in love either because i ended up in the parental role with all of them.
what lit me up to write this blog post is that, a new friend i made does things that i have on my check list and she is just a friend so I KNOW damn well my high standards is obtainable. as friendships grow this year, its definitely reassures me that, i wasn’t needy at all. I wasn’t the one trippen about stuff and a lot of it was due to being disrespected and people not hearing me when i discussed what came up and why i was drawing boundaries.
if i can have beautiful friendships that goes the extra miles at times, i know my standards are not that high. i guess i was just dating lower frequency people. its not their fault for not wanting to grow and expand, even though i tried to get them there and i might of slightly but its not my responsibility. it was definitely my fault for falling in love with their potentials. not everyone can get there and again as i reflect back. i know from here on out what i need in a relationship and i know that it wasn’t me being needy. it simply was just people not being able to meet my needs.
another thing i wanted to point out with my friend is that she constantly celebrates my little wins and reminds me of them when i feel like i’m not doing enough. and i appreciate her so much for that and i know i have a few of my friends that i’ve met this year that also point this out for me. i am enough and i do, do a lot. i know i am surrounded by beautiful souls and if it wasn’t for them and their growth and perspectives, shit i wouldn’t know how fucked up i would be right now.
growing the appreciation for these new relationships. i didn’t know this was what i needed. i also think because i dated os many insecure people, it didn’t help the times i wanted to break out of my shell to shine. i’ve always been confident but through the years dating women that became so self conscious, and people that suffered with low self esteem and self worth, really bled over into me.
a lot of that also made me feel like i didn’t deserve the best when i fucking do. people i thought were out of my league, actually is more within my reach. especially now that i am standing more in my power and really growing into the man i’ve always known i’d be.